NSA Increases Efforts Against Terrorists, Dragons


In the most recent string of scandals surrounding the NSA, a leaked document from 2008 shows that the government agency had been spying on players in the virtual worlds of Second Life, World of Warcraft, and Xbox Live.

When questioned about the effectiveness of the operation, an NSA spokesperson replied with the following statement:

“The steps taken to monitor and track potential threats found in online virtual environments has been invaluable in protecting US citizens. Over the course of the operation we have identified and infiltrated potential terrorist threats that would have otherwise gone unheard of. By using special training on inner-guild power manipulation, loot whoring, and failing to following raid orders, agents have successfully displaced prominent organization leaders known only as ‘Gaywad’ and ‘Nachobusiness.’”

The NSA spokesperson also expressed how a rapid increase in highly-realistic games only calls for more action. “Using realistic graphics and physics engines, terrorists can effectively train and develop new types of weapons from anywhere in the world. The dangers are real. Even now the enemy is training on using dragons, dwarves, and flying personal massagers to disrupt the American way of life.”

When asked what steps the US government was taking to combat these measures, the spokesperson only replied that research was still “ongoing.”

Matt Nowatzke
Matt Nowatzke is a small-town farm boy who one day decided to use his book learning skills to leave the Midwest and see the world. After spending all his money in Europe, he cut his trip short and moved to Boston where he now writes for lunch money and teaches. In his spare time he enjoys reading, watching movies and cartoons, hiking, fishing, and attempting to make his own video games. You can find more about him on his blog or via Twitter.
Matt Nowatzke
Matt Nowatzke

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