Taylor Swift Blamed For Rise In Whiplash In Young Girls

http://www.thechiefly.com/laughs/taylor-swift-blamed-rise-whiplash-young-girls/

Taylor Swift is feeling the heat from concerned parents and doctors who have seen a rise in whiplash among young girls after the singer’s Grammy performance, in which Swift suddenly and violently flung her head back and forth multiple times. Since then, an astonishing number of girls have tried the move only to end up suffering from the painful symptoms of whiplash, or as doctors are calling it, “Swiftlash.”

The result has led to hundreds of trips to chiropractors and physical therapists. There are even reports of emergency room visits.

“Taylor Swift should be ashamed,” said concerned mother Meredith Scardino. “She is well aware that she is a role model to young girls, and then she goes and does something so orthopedically irresponsible.”

Neurological surgeon Hallie Haglund knows the results of Swiftlash all too well. She recognized it in her 13-year old daughter mere days after the Grammys. “She loves Taylor and quickly learned the song and chords and the entire performance.”

Unfortunately, she also immediately felt the effects.

“Within 24 hours,” Haglund tells me, “she was complaining of headache, neck pain, and neck stiffness. All classic signs…” The doctor took a moment to compose herself, then added, “It’s such a shame when good role models go bad.”

Allison Silverman, a pediatric chiropractor, said she was perplexed by the physical performance punctuations particularly since Swift practiced such proper piano posture. “She had beautiful posture throughout the whole thing. That’s exactly how one should sit at a piano. When the head thrashing started, I had to look away. Honestly, she’s endangering the skeletal structures of our nation’s children.”

Most girls explained that they loved how passionate yet elegant Swift looked flinging her golden mane about her head.

“It was like she was singing, playing, and fighting a grand mal seizure all at the same time,” said 13-year old Hailey Haglund. “I mean, who else can do that?”

According to Scardino, no one can and no one should be trying. She is urging parents not to let their kids try the technique, and is pursuing a ban on Swift’s music until the singer apologizes.

“Taylor needs to be held responsible for her actions,” Scardino insists, “and if your child is a fan of Taylor Swift and they are showing signs [of whiplash], get them to their pediatrician or a chiropractor. This is about the safety of our children.”

As of press time, Taylor Swift has not apologized.

Jordan Lints

Jordan Lints

Political and Cultural Contributor
Jordan Lints

Latest posts by Jordan Lints (see all)

0 comments